I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
