My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
