I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
