Ambien. No doubt about it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
