Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
