I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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