I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize