I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
