i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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