There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize