My room smells like vodka and shame
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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