By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
