And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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