I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
