You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
