There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
