Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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