Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
