Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
