But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
