If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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