I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
