i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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