He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
