the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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