The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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