I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
