It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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