Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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