On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
