Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
