Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
