I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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