i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
