Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
