let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
