dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
