i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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