Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize