Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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