epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
