just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
