oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
