I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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