YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
