Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
