he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
