my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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