I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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