i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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