she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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