All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
