He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
