so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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