I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize