I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
