I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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