Whod you bang
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
