It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
