i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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