Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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