New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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