So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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