You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
