so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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