hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
