Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize