Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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