wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
