i think my tv is drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
