my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
