Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
