Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
