I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
