Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
