We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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