Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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