thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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