We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
