I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
