I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
