my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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