Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
