that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
