Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
