the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
40s are totally the cure
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
