You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
