I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
