I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
