just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
