I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
