i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
